How many times can a person look at a roof? Like a hungry puppy, I got on my hands and knees and sniffed all around the roof, above the bedroom. No smell.
Then I realized I need an expert. As the loyal and faithful NPR listener that I am, I remembered The Gurus of How To. I sent an email describing my predicament, and within the hour, Al Ubell was on my phone. He asked all the questions we'd asked ourselves - primarily - what has changed in the last week? I reviewed all the answers with him in excruciating detail. Without knowing how to properly describe The Smell, he wasn't much help. Did you know that turpentine and shoe polish are not even close to each other as smells? Did you know that Al Ubell was a smell expert in the Navy? Did you know that it costs $750 to get a smell expert to come into your home to test, analyze and identify a smell? Did you also know that in Mr. Ubell's long experience (he's the father by the way), the only time one of those expensive experts are hired is under court order?
I hang up and we contemplate $750.
And still The Smell, unidentified and mysterious as ever, persists.
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